You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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