I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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