Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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