As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
