only you would photoshop your dick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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