I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
