I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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