We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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