i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
