so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
