i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
