So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
