I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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