Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
