So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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