I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
