Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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