I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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