I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
