So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My vagina just clenched in fear
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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