Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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