i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my liver is dry heaving
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
