What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
