This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
