I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
