I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
