is your mom at the bar?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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