I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
