I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
