I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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