I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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