I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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