quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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