i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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