Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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