i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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