ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
