I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
