my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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