Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
