i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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