I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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