sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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