It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The air was thick with penises
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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