Someone shit on the floor
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
