This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
