What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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