Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
