she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
