Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
