I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
