he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i will never coherently bang her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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