I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
