I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
