Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize