Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
