went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
