She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're like the curious george of whores
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
