just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
