just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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