i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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