Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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