You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
