We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
