Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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