If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
