the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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