I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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