Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
