the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.