i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?