i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete