Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.