What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..