at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy