here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.