my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
