Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i've created a new STD.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
