Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
