I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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